pakistani gets shifted to US

Once a Pakistani boy shifted to America with his family..
On his first day at his new school his teacher asked him what his name was..
He replied "my name is Mohammad "
His teacher said you are an American now..your name from today will be Johnny.

He went home and his parents asked "how was your day Mohammad?"
He said "I am an American and my name is Johnny and don't call me Mohammad from today"
He got a nice beating from his parents!

Next day at school his teacher asked "How was your first day in America Johnny ?"
Johnny replied "It has been just 24hours since i shifted to America and I was beaten up by 2 Pakistanis"

difference between civil and mechanical engineers

the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers is that
mechanical engineers make weapons and
civil engineers make targets to test those weapons!

funniest school kids

joke on drunk guy

Police stops a drunk guy at midnight and asked him where he is going!

The drunk replies: To attend a lecture on ill effects of drinking!

Policeman replies: Who's gonna give you a lecture at midnight?

Drunk: My wife.

the great santa!

संता रात कों घर नहीं आया तो सब परेशान हो गए . 

सुबह होने पर पता चला के संता रत को बैंक के बहार सो रहा था

सब ने एक ही सवाल पुचा संता को की क्यों वो बैंक के बहार सो रहा था

तभी संता ने बैंक के बहार लगा हुआ बोर्ड दिखाया जिसमे लिखा था " यहाँ सोने पर लोन मिलती है "

wife calls husband!

Wife calls up her husband

Wife: Where the hell are you???!!

Husband: Darling do you remember that jewelery shop where you had seen a necklace and fell in love with it and I had told you that I have no money and promised you to buy it one day!!

Wife(tremendously happy) : yaa i remember my love!

Husband: I am in the pub just next to that shop!

drama in classroom

Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can go home!

Santa throws his bag out of the window.

Teacher: Who threw that?

Santa: I did, I am going home.

sender: ashish

Joke on facebook

Dear Facebook
Every time I add a girl to my friend list you ask me
"Do you know her?"

Is she your sister..???
just mind your own Business...what problem do you have if i get a girl-friend?

Husband wife fight

Afghanistan army's missile launcher!

Son's birthday

Dad to son: what do you want on your birthday?

Son: Nothing much, just a music system and a sports car surrounding it!

the most dangerous alphabet!

Which is the most dangerous alphabet?

" W "
because all worries start with " W"
Who?
Why?
What?
When?
Which?
Whom?
Where?
War!
Wine!
Whisky!
Woman
and finally
WIFE!

Stock market joke

BSE -->Bombay se exit
NSE --> nation se exit
F/O --> future over
NIFTY --> no income for this year
BTS --> buy today suicide tomorrow

Santa teaches his teacher in class

Teacher asks a  question to santa : If Banta borrows 1000 rupees from you at simple interest of 10% per month for 6 months, How much money would Banta return to you after 6months?

Santa replies: 0 rupees madam

Teacher: you don't know Maths!! shame on you.

Santa: you don't know Banta!! shame on you.

getting ready for marriage

Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?
Boy: That depends on your husband, if he would allow me :D

husband and wife

Husband was busy reading something when his wife asks him what he is up to since so long?

Husband replies nothing!
Wife taunts nothing?? you have been reading our marriage certificate since the last hour, whats going on?
Husband replies dear I am not able to find the expiry date anywhere in the certificate!

why do homework

Teacher to santa

Have you done your homework?

Santa: No, ma'm

teacher: Why?

Santa: I live in hostel...

friends get lost in desert

Robert and Jackson were lost in desert...they were dying of thirst when they came upon an oasis, and there was a Mosque...!

Robert to Jackson: "Look there is a mosque, lets pretend we are muslims, otherwise we'll not get any food or water...I am going to call myself 'Abdullah".

Willson refused to change his name and said: "my ...name is Jackson and i will never pretend to be other than but what I am!"

The Imam of mosque recieved both well and asked their names...
Robert: am Abdullah
Jackson: am Jackson

Imam turned to his helpers and said:
"bring some food for Jackson only"

And then Imam turned towards Robert and said:
"Ramzan Mubarak bhai Abdullah"

husband's interview

Interviewer: What is the best thing about your wife?

Husband: She has a problem for every solution!

 by:milan

Girl is caught travelling with her boyfriend by dad!

Two girls were having a conversation!

girl 1: I was sitting behind a boy on a bike and travelling home, when my dad saw me!

girl 2: Ohh shit, what happened then?

girl 1: Nothing he asked me to return the money I had taken for bus fare!

by:sagar