Once a Pakistani boy shifted to America with his family.. On his first day at his new school his teacher asked him what his name was.. He replied "my name is Mohammad " His teacher said you are an American now..your name from today will be Johnny.
He went home and his parents asked "how was your day Mohammad?" He said "I am an American and my name is Johnny and don't call me Mohammad from today" He got a nice beating from his parents!
Next day at school his teacher asked "How was your first day in America Johnny ?" Johnny replied "It has been just 24hours since i shifted to America and I was beaten up by 2 Pakistanis"
the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers is that mechanical engineers make weapons and civil engineers make targets to test those weapons!
Husband: Darling do you remember that jewelery shop where you had seen a necklace and fell in love with it and I had told you that I have no money and promised you to buy it one day!!
Wife(tremendously happy) : yaa i remember my love!
Teacher asks a question to santa : If Banta borrows 1000 rupees from you at simple interest of 10% per month for 6 months, How much money would Banta return to you after 6months?
Husband was busy reading something when his wife asks him what he is up to since so long?
Husband replies nothing! Wife taunts nothing?? you have been reading our marriage certificate since the last hour, whats going on? Husband replies dear I am not able to find the expiry date anywhere in the certificate!
Robert and Jackson were lost in desert...they were dying of thirst when they came upon an oasis, and there was a Mosque...!
Robert to Jackson: "Look there is a mosque, lets pretend we are muslims, otherwise we'll not get any food or water...I am going to call myself 'Abdullah".
Willson refused to change his name and said: "my ...name is Jackson and i will never pretend to be other than but what I am!"
The Imam of mosque recieved both well and asked their names... Robert: am Abdullah Jackson: am Jackson
Imam turned to his helpers and said: "bring some food for Jackson only"
And then Imam turned towards Robert and said: "Ramzan Mubarak bhai Abdullah"
It was a bright and sunny morning when Santa was on his way to office on his scooter. Banta(policeman) traveling on his bicycle stopped him and said "switch off the headlight of your scooter, when there is so much of light around us, why are you keeping it on?"
Santa was irritated by this, he politely obeyed and turned headlight of his scooter off, then he got down his scooter and went near Banta's cycle, he opened the valves of the cycle tires and both tires were flat. He told Banta "When there is so much of air around us why are you storing it?"
Interviewer: tell me, how will all human beings die if water gets over on the planet?
Interviewee(Santa): If there would be no water left, Human beings would not be able to swim......if they are not able to swim, they will drown and thus die :)
A Neurologist was seen running behind a patient on the streets!
A Passerby asked the neurologist, what was wrong?
The Neurologist replied "that man came to me telling he wants me to operate on his brain. As I prepare for the operation by cutting his hair, He runs away thereby getting a free haircut!!"
Class teacher of a boy wrote behind the boy's book for the boy's father: "Please give a shower to your boy before sending him to school!!, He is stinking all the time!!"
Boy's father replies in the same way: "You concentrate on making him study, not on smelling him!"
Youngest Son: "Tell me Daddy, what is the difference between 'Potentiality' and 'reality'?" Dad:"I will show you"Dad turns to his wife and asks her:"Would you sleep with Robert Redford for 1 million dollars"? Wife:"Yes of course! I would never waste such an opportunity"!Then Dad asks his Daughter, if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 Million dollars? Daughter:"Wow! Yes! he is my fantasy!"So Dad turns to his Elder Son and asks him:"Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 million dollars?"Elder Son:"Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 million Dollars! I would never hesitate!"So the father turns back to his Younger Son saying: "You see son, 'Potentially' we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but in 'Reality' we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay!!"
George just finished his schooling from San Fransisco. He decided to get admission in San Fransisco State University, so one fine morning he decided to fill up the form to get admission. He told his parents that he would be back by evening.
3 days passed since he left from home, his parents were worried. Then came the call, it was George, his parents inquired about his whereabouts, so George replied "Don't worry, I am here at Washington DC filling up the form, as the form said (Fill in capital only), don't worry I will be back in 2days!!!!"
Santa comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.
The guard Iqbal stops him and says, 'What's in the bags?' 'Sand,' answered Santa.
Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.'
Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Santa all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases Santa, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto Santa's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, 'What have you got?' 'Sand,' says Santa.
Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Santa, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.
Finally, Santa doesn't show up one day and the guard Iqbal, meets him in a 'Dhaba' in Islamabad.
'Hey, Buddy,' says Iqbal, 'I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?'
A Santa and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from New York to Paris. The American asks if he would like to play a fun game.
The Santa, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."
Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep.
The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $10,and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $1000."
This catches the Santa's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The American asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The Santa doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet,pulls out a $10.00 bill, and hands it to the American.
"Okay," says the American, "your turn".
He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The American, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer & searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress... no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the Santa and hands him $1000.
The Santa thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.
The American, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Santa and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the Santa reaches into his purse,hands the American $10,and goes back to sleep.
Two strangers, A man and a woman were assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Initially uneasy over sharing a room, they were tired and they slept, He in the upper birth and she in the lower birth. At 1 AM, the man leans over and gently wakes the women and says "mam I am sorry to bother you, but will you please reach into the second closet to get me a second blanket?, I am awfully cold." woman replies "I have a better idea, just for tonight let us pretend we are married." "woow!, that's a fantastic idea." man exclaimed with a huge smile on his face. She replies "Now get your own damn blanket!"
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that? Santa(museum guide): An old king's skeleton. Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it? Santa(museum guide): That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.
In Maths= Kis the shortest distance between two lips. In Physics = It is a process of charging human body. In Computer = Kiss is local area network in which 2 bodies conneted without any data cable. In Economics = Kiss is a process in which demand is always higher than supply
Boyfriend: I cheated.. Girlfriend: so what? do you think i loved you? I was cheating on you for the past 2 years!, you were just for fun...! Boyfriend cried and said: I was talking about exams.
Fifteen minutes into the flight from New york to London, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed.. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours.But don't worry ... we still have one engine left."
A santa turned to the Banta who was in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
I am in a well here and hoping you are in the same well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast..
We don't live where we did when you left home your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles.
I wont be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to bring our earlier address plate here, so that our address will remain same too. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated Right above the commode. I'm not sure it works.. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since. The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The First time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.
The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.
Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery. By the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is really badmash. He told her that two-piece swimming suit is not allowed in this club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove? Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is A girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your uncle, Jetinder fell in a nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried at sea after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father. There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
P.S: Beta, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter.
Sardar calls Airport and asked "How long is the journey from Punjab to America?" Receptionist: "1 second sir" Sardar disconnects saying "she was drunk"!
A sardar once opened a college... he could not find a name for it even after thinking a lot finally with the help of his other sardar friends he named it "Sardar's medical college of engineering".
Feeling of love + moment of caring + small small sharing + stupid fights + shoulder to cry + to be together in pain = creates a miracle called “FRIENDSHIP”
In order to develop friendly relationship between the two countries, Manmohan Singh and yousuf raza gilani decided to visit each other's country regularly.
The first visit was by Manmohan to Pakistan. There Gilani showed him Pakistan's modern telecommunication systems. It was so good that Manmohan made a call to the Devil in hell and talked to him for 5 minutes! The bill for the call came to only Re.1.
When Manmohan came back, he also wanted India's telecommunication systems to be at the best when Gilani visited India. Suitable arrangements were made. Gilani came to India, visited the telecom department and talked to Zia-ul-Haq in hell for 5 minutes. But this time, the bill was Rs. 500!
Gilani asked with a sarcastic smile - "Why are telephone calls to hell so costly in India?"
A High level diplomat gave a smiling reply - "From Pakistan to hell, it is a local call, Sir, while from India, it is long distance!".
Gabbar sends Kaalia and his other two colleagues to Ramgadh for Collecting the 'loot-maar' software which he had ordered.They reach Ramgad and start shouting:
"Abe O thakur! Baahar nikal !! Kahan hai wo loot-maar software, jo hamne order kiya tha? Last date to kabh ka nikal gaya"
Dhaniya, an old man comes out with a floppy in his hand. Kaalia - "Kya laye ho dhaniya?"
Dhaniya - "Financial Accounting software hai sarkar." Kaalia - "Suwar ke bacche! Yeh bekar software hamare liye banaya?
Aur woh loot-maar software kya apni beti ke baratiyon ke liye zip file Mein chuppa ke rakha hai? Haraam-zada !!"
Thakur comes out of his house with anger, saying: "Chillao mat kaalia !! Jaakar gabbar se kah do ki Thakur Software walon ne paagal kutton ke liye software banana bund kar diya hai"
Kaalia - "Bahut garmi dikha rahe ho thakur? Koi naye programmers hire Kiye hain kya??" Thakur - "Nazar utha ke dekh, Kaalia, tere sar par powerbuilder chal Raha hai".
Kaalia lifts his head. He sees Viru (Dharmendra) working on a PC on one Water tank and Jay (Amitabh) on another water tank, punching the keys of a Laptop.
Kaalia starts laughing and says: "Haa Haa...Ye log programming karenge thakur? Haa haa... in ko to DOS commands bhi nahin aate. Suno ramgad ke vasiyon, thakur ne hijdon ki software company banaayi hai"
Veeru shouts: "Chup-chap chala ja Kutai. Ham log consultants hain, kuch Bhi kar sakte hain"
Jay hits some commands on his keyboard. Then says: "Jao kaalia, gabbar Se kahna ki uska server down ho gaya"
Kaalia - "Jaata hoon thakur. Agar gabbar ko pata chala ki Thakur Software walon ne uska loot - maar software nahin banaya, to wo poore network mein Virus daal dega"
At the Gabbar's den... Gabbar: "Kittney bugs thay"? Kalia: "Do sarkaar"
Gabbar: "Woh do! Aur tum teen. Phir bhee fix nahin kar sake? Kya soch ke aaye ho? Gabbar bahut khus hoga? Naya assignment dega, kyoon? Iski saja milegi..Barobbar milegi"
Snatches an X terminal from Sambaa "Kitne sessions hain, is machine mein?"
Conversation overheard on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Turkey to Jamnagar(India)... The conversation went like this..... Pakitani Air Defense Radar: 'Unknown aircraft you are in Pakistani airspace. Identify yourself.' Aircraft: 'This is an Indian aircraft. I am in international airspace.' Air Defense Radar: 'You are in Pakistani airspace... If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircrafts!' Aircraft: 'This is an Indian Air Force Sukhoi Su-30 MkI fighter jet armed with nine R77 BVR missiles. Send 'em up, I'll wait!' Pakistani Air Defense Radar: (no response .... total silence)
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4? Beepo Singh: 9 Teacher: What is 4 plus 5? Beepo Singh: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!
LAN, LAN(long) ago, in the SYSTEM of I/O-dhya, there ruled a PROCESSOR named DOS-rat. Once he EXECUTED a great sacrifice PROGRAM after which his queens gave an OUTPUT of four SUNs -RAM, LSIman, BUG-rat and SED-rughana.
RAM the eldest was a MICROCHIP with excellent MEMORY. His brothers,however, were only PERIPHERAL ICs. Once when RAM was only 16MB, he married princess 'C'ta.12 years passed and DOS-rat decided to INSTAL RAM as his successor. However, Queen CIE/CAE (Kayegayee), who was once offered a boon by DOS-rat for a life saving HELP COMMAND, took this opportunity at the instigation of her BIOSed maid (a real plotter), and insisted that her son Bug-rat be INSTALLED and that RAM be BOOTED to the forest for 14 years. At this cruel and unexpected demand, a SURGE passed thru DOS-rat and he collapsed, power-less.
RAM agreed to LOG INTO forest and 'C'ta insisted to LOGIN with him. LSI-man was also resolved on LOGGING IN with his brother. The forest was the dwelling of SPARC-nakha, the TRANSISTOR of RAW-van, PROCESSOR of LAN-ka. Attracted by RAM's stature, she proposed that he marry her.
RAM, politely declined. Perceiving 'C'ta to be the SOURCE CODE of her distress, she hastened to kill her. Weeping, SPARC-nakha fled to LAN-ka, where RAW-van, moved by TRANSISTOR's plight, approached his uncle MARicha. MAR-icha REPROGRAMED himself into the form of a golden stag and drew RAM deep into the forest. Finally, tired of chase, RAM shot the deer, who,with his last breath, cried out desperately for LSI-man in RAM's voice.
Fooled by this VIRTUAL RAM SOUND, 'C'ta urged LSI-man to his brother's aid. Catching the opportunity, RAW-van DELINKED 'C'ta from her LIBRARY and changed her ROOT DIRECTORY to LAN-ka.
RAM and LSI-man started SEARCHING for the missing 'C'ta all over the forest. They made friendship with the forest SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR SU-greev and his powerful co-processor Ha-NEUMAN. SU-greev agreed to help RAM.
SU-greev ordered his PROGRAMMERS to use powerful 'SEARCH' techniques to FIND the missing 'C'ta. His PROGRAMMERS SEARCHED all around the INTER-NETworked forests. Many tried to 'EXCITE' the birds and animals not to forget the 'WEBCRAWLERS' (Insects) and tried to 'INFO SEEK' something about 'C'ta.
Some of them even shouted 'YAA-HOO' but they all ended up with 'NOT FOUND' MESSAGES. Several other SEARCH techniques proved useless. Ha-NEUMAN devised a RISKy TECHNOLOGY and used it to cross the seas at an astonishing CLOCK SPEED.
Soon Ha-NEUMAN DOWNLOADED himself into LAN-ka. After doing some local SEARCH, Ha-NEUMAN found 'C'ta weeping under a TREE STRUCTURE. Ha-NEUMAN used a LOGIN ID (ring) to identify himself to 'C'ta.
After DECRYPTING THE KEY, 'C'ta believed in him and asked him to send a STATUS_OK MESSAGE to RAM. Meanwhile all the raakshasa BUGS around 'C'ta captured Ha-NEUMAN and tried to DELETE him using pyro-techniques.
But Ha-NEUMAN managed to spread chaos by spreading the VIRUS 'Fire'. Ha-NEUMAN happily pressed ESCAPE from LAN-ka and conveyed all the STATUS MESSAGES to RAM and SU-greev.
RAW-wan decided to take the all powerful RAM head-on and prepared for the battle. One of the RAW-wan's SUN (son) almost DELETED RAM & LSI-man with a powerful brahma-astra.
But Ha-NEUMAN resorted to some ACTIVE-X gradients and REBOOTED RAM and LSI-man. RAM sed the SOURCE CODE secrets of RAW-wan and once for all wiped out RAW-wan's presense onearth.
After the battle, RAM got INSTALLED in I/O-dhya and spread his MICROSOFT WORKS and other USER FRIENDLY PROGRAMS to all USERS and every one lived happily everafter.
dis is essay wriiten by a bihari person.It has won a 1st price.Check it out u'll forget ur english... Indian Cow
HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, And because he is female, he give milks, [ but will do so when he is got child.] He is same like-God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards.
His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. [ horses dont have any such attachment]
What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species, Also his other motion.. gober[cowdung] is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes[like Pizza] , in hand and drying in the sun.
Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards.
He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.
The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts . His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This is the cow.......
A man finds an old lamp, hoping for a miracle he rubs the lamp.To his surprise a Genie appears in front of him with folded hands and says 'What can I do for you my lord?' The astonished man asks for a big house for himself, at which the Genie laughs and says 'If I could give you a big home, do you think I would live in this lamp?'
Once a man was lying on the beach looking up in the sky, soon he decided to talk to god, he begged to god to grant him only one wish , looking at the mans sincerity God granted him a wish. God asked " whats ur wish son", the man said ,"God I wish you could make a bridge across this ocean to the next country where I have to go for my business very often, So that I don't have to spend a lot of cash for airways", God answered , "son, this wish of urs , is kinda difficult for me , cause its full of concrete and hard materials which are not easily available, So ask for some other wish and I'll complete it", the man thought for a while and said ,"God can you tell me , that what goes on in a womans mind all the time , what does she actually mean when she says, go away leave me alone, and what is she thinking when she is really quite for sometime".... God thought for a long time and then he replied,"...mmmmm.. Son how do u want it to be , a one way or a two way bridge ?"....
Banta was in the army. During the war with Pakistan, Banta used his intelligence to kill many Pakistani soldiers. He would hide behind the bushes and shout Pakistani names like Imran Khan the soldier named Imran Khan would get up to say "I am here !" Then Banta would shoot him down. This went on till Banta almost wiped out all the soldiers single handily! Suddenly the Pakistani commander realized that Banta was killing all his soldiers by fooling them. So he decides to use Banta's own method to kill him and starts calling him names like Banta etc. Banta realizing that the Pakistani was using his trick, suddenly says "Who called me?" and the Commander gets up to say "I called you." Banta shoots him down!
There were 11 people hanging tightly onto a rope with both hands that came down from a helicopter. Ten were Pakistani, and one was a Indian. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't then the helicopter would be overloaded and crash killing all of them. No one could decide who should go, so finally the Indian said, "I'll get off." After a really touching speech from the Indian saying he would get off, all of the Pakistanis started clapping. Problem solved.:-D
Three guys a Pakistani, a Sri Lankan and an Indian were out walking together one day. They come across a lantern they rub it and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total" says the Genie. The Sri Lankan says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Sri Lanka." With a blink of the Genie's eye,'FOOM' the land in Sri Lanka was forever made fertile for farming. The Pakistani was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Pakistan, so that no foreigners can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Pakistan. The Indian asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and completely surrounds the state. Nothing can get in or out." The Indian says, "My wish is that you fill it up with water."
There's an Indian guy, a Pakistani guy and a beautiful woman Sitting next to each other in a train.
The train goes through a tunnel and everything gets dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then the sound of a slap!
The train comes out of the tunnel.
The woman and the Indian are sitting there looking perplexed. The Pakistani is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap.
The Pakistani is thinking, "O Allah, that Indian must have tried to kiss this lady, she thought it was me and slapped me." The lady is thinking, "That Pakistani must have moved to kiss me and kissed the Indian instead and got slapped."
The Indian was thinking "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap that Pakistani again."
A brain tumor patient with end-stage disease was informed that he needed an immediate brain transplant operation. The surgeon told him, "You can have an Indian brain for $10,000 dollars or an Americans for $25,000 dollars or I can give you 10 gms. of a Paki's brain for $100,000 dollars." The patient asked,"Why is the Paki's brain so much more expensive than the others?" "Well," replied the surgeon, "we have to go through a lot of Pakistanis to find 10 gms of brain."
A sardar, a Japanese, and a Britisher were lost in the desert. They were driving around in a Jeep when it broke down,because they had nothing else they decided to each take a piece of the Jeep as they continued their journey. The Japanese took the radiator, the Britisher took the seat, and the sardar took the door. After a while of walking the Britisher asked the Japanese "I'm confused, why did you bring the radiator?" The Japanese responded, "If I get thirsty, I can drink the fluid." Next the sardar asked the Britisher "Why did you bring the seat?" So the Britisher said "If I get tired,I am not going to sit on the sand. I can sit on this comfortable seat." Finally the Japanese asked the sardar why he had chosen the door. The sardar quickly responded to this question, "Well, when it gets hot all I have to do is roll down the window."
Before going to Europe on business, a sardar drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral. "Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce", the sardar said. The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5,000. Two weeks later, the sardar walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $20.30 in Interest", the loan officer said. The sardar wrote out a check and started to walk away. "Wait sir", the loan officer said, "while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?" The sardar smiled. "Where else could I park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $20.30?
A sardar comes from the war,after being away from his wife for 3 years...he is greeted by her and his new 8 month old baby boy. The sardar's joy is unlimited and knows no bounds, but suddenly , he turn to her and asks,"how did you manage that? to have my son when i haven't seen you in over 3 years?" The wife, on realizing she might be exposed thinks and says" you weren't there, but i had your picture didn't I? i managed with it". The sardar seems satisfied till he turn around and says,"but love, the picture was only of my face!"
A Pakistani tourist after a long walk in one of very fancy clean streets of Delhi (India) found himself needing a toilet badly. After a long search he could not find any, eventually couldn't control and chose a silent corner of a clean street to release himself. Once he had just started, a police official approached him, Hey What do you think you're doing here? Pakistani tourist: sorry I have to "P" Police: No PP here okay? Follow me... The Police officer took him to a beautiful garden nearby with lots of grass, flowers and singing birds around.... Police: PP here.. have a nice day police said. Pakistani tourist: Oh sir ... that is very nice of you, is this Indian courtesy? Police: No... this is Pakistani Embassy !!
Pakistan just got their new Chinese fighter planes and sent a squadron of pilots there for training. "OK, this one is easy to fly", said the Chinese trainer, "even you fools should be able to operate it! You press this button to go up, this one to go left and this one for turning right!" "But how do we come down?" asked Capt. Arfath Pasha. "Oh," said the Chinese "leave that to the Indian Air Force!"
During the cold war, if USA launched a nuke-loaded missile, Soviet satellites would inform the soviet army in 3 seconds and in less than 45 seconds soviet counter missiles would be on their way.
Recent studies commissioned by the US department of defense included one on nuclear war between India and Pakistan. This was the scenario.
The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke loaded missile towards India. They don’t need any permission from their government, and promptly order the countdowns. Indian technology is highly advanced.
In less than 8 seconds, Indian army detects the Pak countdown and decides to launch a missile in retribution. But they need permission from the Government of India. They submit their request to the Indian President. The President forwards it to the Cabinet. The Prime Minister calls an emergency in Lok Sabha session. The Lok Sabha meets, but due to several walkouts and severe protests by the opposition, it gets adjourned indefinitely, The President asks for a quick decision.
In the mean time, the Pak missile failed to take off due to technical failure. Their attempts on re-launch are still on.
Just then the Indian ruling party is reduced to minority because a party that was giving outside support withdraws it. The President asks the Prime Minister to prove his majority within a week. As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote, a caretaker government is installed. The caretaker Prime Minister decides to permit the Armed Forces to launch a nuclear missile. But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government cannot take such a decision because the elections are at hand. The Election Commission files Public Interest Litigation in the Supreme Court alleging misuse of power. The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the Prime Minister, and says the acting Prime Minister is authorized to take this decision in view of the emergency facing nation.
Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell 367 miles away from the target, on its own government building in Islamabad at 11:00 AM.
Fortunately there were no casualties as no employee had reached the office that early. In any case the nuclear core of the missile had detached somewhere in flight.
The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China and USA. The Indian Government, taking no chances, decides to launch a nuclear missile of its own, after convening an all-party meeting. This time all the parties agree. Its three months since the army had sought permission. But as preparations begin “pro-humanity” & “anti-nuclear” activists come out against the Government’s decision it results in Human chains and rasta roks.
In California and Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians condemning the Government and mentioning “Please forward it to as many Indians as possible”.
On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. Some missiles deviate from target due to technical failures or high speed wind blowing over Rajasthan. Many of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes.
A missile (smuggled from USA) is pressed into service. Since the Pakistan army is unable to understand its software, it hits it original destination: Russia..!
Russians successfully intercepts the missile and in retaliation launches a nuclear missile towards Islamabad. The missile hits its target and creates havoc.
Pakistan cries for help. India expresses deep regrets for what has happened and sends in a million dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits.
Indian missiles lie in bomb-dump seeking extension of life…
